This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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