the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
