maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
