Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
