Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
