C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
