Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just tell him i said nine months
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
