Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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