every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
