he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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