I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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