Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
