insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
