Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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