I puked a lego.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
