as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
