he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
