why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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