she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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