She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
