I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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