What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
