I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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