I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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