So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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