I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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