Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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