If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
