I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
MIDGETS
????
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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