i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
