They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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