Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
