If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
