Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
