Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
