her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
