We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
