okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
