NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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