I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
