Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
