just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
