I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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