my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
