Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
