Screwed.edu
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
