please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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