I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
