he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
