You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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