Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
